chimps
Wednesday, Sept. 22, 2004 @ 7:34 p.m.

primates are highly trainable. in this way, they differ from staff at my hotel.

given the option, i would employ chimps. i'd prefer the unpretentious sensibility of a workforce of filthy apes who eat with their toes. they wouldn't talk to me. they wouldn't be unionized. and they wouldn't leech the gratuity pool. even if they bit customers, even if they spit on them and pulled their hair...they would still be better and more productive than the current staff.

although now that i've admitted chimps could do my job, i will soon have to face this ominous fact: that my life and all my aspirations amount in value to little more than a heap of overripe bananas. this analogy is going nowhere.

why am i alive? a common topic.