i see the way they look at me
Saturday, Aug. 21, 2004 @ 10:29 a.m.

we all know i'm a twenty-something white girl with blonde hair and brown eyes. i'm fucking dull.

and now, a minority. in a workplace of over two hundred people, i count myself as one of maybe twenty caucasians who learned english as a first language. and this week, we received word that our company is in the top half on a list of the fifty best companies in canada for minority workers.

upon examination, it seems the white, english workers in my company make an impressive list of their own. the general manager, the director of food and beverage (the boss of five bosses including mine), two of my two managers, the managers of Chagalls and Tonic, human resources, the executive chef and the sales department in its entirety. in other words, THIS list is comprised of over ninety percent of the people with jobs that come with titles and salary.

the other hundred and eighty of us are supremely (...ugh,) multicultural. myself excluded. we're housekeepers, cleaners and servers. hourly-wage workers. in uniform.

i'm a minority in a workplace majority of overworked, underpaid foreign workers. the pay's not terrible for someone my age without anything better to do, and even so i've had a promotion. the other workers have families: this job of mine is their career. they swallow their pride every day and don their little blue dresses and run off to clean rooms as quickly as they can.

we're going to have a celebratory lunch because of the list. the white guys upstairs are paying. but there's no such thing as a free lunch and the price in this case is far too high. if my workplace is one of the best companies for minority workers, i think it's time for me to leave. i'm more than undeserving.

and you can bet they know it.