sine wave
Tuesday, Jun. 26, 2007 @ 12:46 a.m.

i'm watching the lawns bake and talking about the heat like maybe--maybe--if i just talk about something, the silence won't stifle the heat. this heat, it's not so bad. this heat, it's pretty bad. this heat. let's fucking talk about it.
i don't think i can do this for much longer. there's so much stagnation in suburban stability, no sense of urgency or excitement. there isn't any renewal, and i don't mean it in a sentimental way: there just isn't any renewal.
i'm tying myself to rules these days, and taking too much stock in idiotviews. not so contrary as i always have been, and i've lost the power of persuasion. it may just be more difficult to persuade a simple mind, because it bends its full will on being made up. it may also be that my mind is becoming similar to the above.
all work and no play makes alison just like everybody else. i've relegated myself to this powerlessness, but i lied if i ever said i'm happy here. it's difficult to live a normal life because at one point, we were all given an opportunity to be more. but when you live where i live, and do what i do, you've already thrown that opportunity out the window.
and closed the window, and walked away.